Stuck in your comfort zone? How to get out of your own way and take charge

Here’s the thing about comfort zones…

They’re both desired and feared. 

Frustrating to live with and scary to live without.  

Stressful to be in and overwhelming to step outside of.

Comfortable isn’t always so comfortable. It’s a bit of a paradox but here’s my pitch. Comfort zones come with their benefits since they’re familiar and they feel safe. What you don’t see on the surface, though, is that comfort zones are also exceptionally damaging. 

Staying in your comfort zone comes with the price of flatlining, missing out on opportunities, losing sense of who you are, and possibly even growing to dislike yourself. We all want to feel comfortable. Whether that’s good for you or not, however, is a different story. 

Let’s walk through what a comfort zone is, what’s so bad about it, and what steps you need to take to break free from it.

What is a Comfort Zone?

Think of a comfort zone as an imaginary barrier that we draw in our heads. The purpose of this barrier is to protect us from fear, change, uncertainty, inadequacy, and disappointment.

If you’re unsure whether or not certain things are part of your comfort zone, there’s one easy and effective way to find out. Pick a time that you may have wanted to do something, but stopped yourself. Think back to your thought process and ask yourself - did I try to talk myself out of doing this thing? If so, the chances are that you were indeed cornering yourself into your comfort zone. 

Here are some examples of staying in your comfort zone:

• When you settle (at work, in relationships, etc.)

• When you don’t negotiate for equitable pay

• When you suppress your ideas 

• When you don’t stand up for yourself

• When you don’t pitch that original idea that you came up with
  

Something that I hear my clients talk about is the fear of doing something and then regretting it. 

“What if I miss?”

“What if I embarrass myself?”

“What will others say about me?”

And above all

“I’m not ready yet”.

Sure, it’s possible that you may do something and then regret it. What about the other possibility, though, of regretting not doing something? 

Let’s walk through a quick scenario together:

Think about it. Say, you challenge yourself to do something outside of your comfort zone like asking your boss for a raise. If it goes well, then that’s great - more money and financial freedom for you! 

Now let’s consider another scenario:

Say your boss turns you down - sure, that’s frustrating and it’s not ideal, and you’ll feel upset for a while after. The chances are that stepping out of your comfort zone and asking for that raise will ultimately get you closer to where you want to be and help you figure out your next steps, whether that means building your skillset or making some other moves. 

Let’s take it another step forward and look at a worst-case scenario:

What if you stay in your comfort zone and successfully talk yourself out of asking for a raise. So you won’t know if it’s possible to get a raise, and you might grow resentful of your boss or even your job altogether because you know you’re being underpaid. In this scenario, you’re inhibiting yourself to avoid any potential disappointment and that’s just not fair to you. Be warned, long term, this can even lead to increased stress and burnout.

The Dangers of Being in a Comfort Zone

Comfort zones carry the joys of familiarity and ease but don’t be fooled. As it stands, remaining in the confinement of your comfort zone can come with more costs than benefits and the price is big. 

You cost yourself not believing in yourself, in your creativity, and also in your skills and abilities. Internally, staying in your comfort zone will directly threaten your mindset because it creates a breeding ground for imposter syndrome and self-limiting beliefs. 

Externally, you’ll plateau, miss out on opportunities, and eventually, flatline because old ways won’t open new doors for you. In extension, remaining in your comfort zone not only shrinks your sense of self, but it also crushes your self-esteem.

Don’t Take My Word For It

Hey, if you don’t believe me, then take Bronnie Ware’s word for it. Below is a list of the top 5 regrets that people reported from the book The Top 5 Regrets of the Dying:

• "I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me."

• "I wish I hadn't worked so hard."

• "I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings."

• "I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends."

• "I wish that I had let myself be happier."

The one thing that all 5 of those regrets have in common is that they are based on missed opportunities - specifically, things that were not done in fear of regret. It’s one thing to try something new, get it wrong, regret it, and then get over it. It’s a whole other thing to stop yourself entirely from doing something because as they say, you’ll miss 100% of the chances you don’t take. 

How To Break Free From Your Comfort Zone

Here’s the great news. Whether or not you’re feeling ready to step outside of your comfort zone, you’re already doing it if you’ve made it this far and you’re doing amazing.

To take risks or not to take risks - the decision is yours to make and I believe in you. 

So, this begs the question, how do you break free from your comfort zone? It’s pretty simple, you just need to start somewhere, literally anywhere, and make some moves. 

This is probably one of the few circumstances where having FOMO is a wonderful thing. Embrace that FOMO by utilizing it so that you can stop missing out and use it to your advantage to launch yourself forward and take some much needed healthy risks. 

If you come across a situation that challenges you and you start talking yourself out of it (which will most likely happen, and that’s okay!), just take a deep breath, keep your head up, and don’t think about it -  just do it. 

If you’re afraid of making mistakes, it’s okay to give yourself permission to make a whole bunch of mistakes so that you can eventually get yourself to where you want to be. 

Don’t let the fear scare you away, it’s just your body’s natural response to stress and change. Rather than spending your time and effort in a mental negotiation, try to shift your attention to getting comfortable being uncomfortable, and actually doing that thing - that’s a much better investment of your time and energy. Hop in the driver’s seat (metaphorically, maybe even literally) and take charge. 

In short, if it scares you, just go for it.

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